so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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