I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you would pick up someone in the library
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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