Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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