Fuck appropriateness.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
