WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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