My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
