I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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