Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She bit a glass in half.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She needs sedatives and a leash
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
