This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
