I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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