You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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