This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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