I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
