dude i'm inner monologue high
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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