when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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