swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
