she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
