so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
