Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
