I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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