East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize