I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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