Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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