There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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