hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
