i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
