Christians are straight up FREAKS
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
