I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
