the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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