Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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