it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
