I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
