coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Drunk is not a location!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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