i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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