Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
