Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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