I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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