"it" just moved
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
