i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
