and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
