what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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