so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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