why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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