omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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