I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
