I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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