she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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