Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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