I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
