Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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