That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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