I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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