If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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