I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
