I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
