so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize