i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
