she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You don't make any sense
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