But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
