Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's shark week go big or go home
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
