you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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