There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't deserve a penis
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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