Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
