nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
