i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
