hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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