i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
