ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
