You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
