Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Randomize
