So drunk its hurt
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
