Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
