oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
