Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
