if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
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I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize