I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
