ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
