Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
